Monday, December 21, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
GRIS GRIMLY'S FRANKENSTEIN BLOG
Saturday, November 28, 2009
GRIS GRIMLY'S FRANKENSTEIN BLOG
Thursday, November 26, 2009
I saw an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry David finds his plane seat to be next to a man wearing shorts. Larry, being the confrontational person he is, reprimands his elbow-knocking neighbor for being so inconsiderate to wear shorts on a plane. I think this is an overreaction to the circumstance. Granted, the artifact of clothing was short enough to be called briefs and with the lack of elasticity around the thighs, there is a risk of junk spillage. But a situation like this really depends on the individual wearing the shorts. Do you think Larry would mind if the individual sitting next to him was a slender 25-year-old vixen with velvet-soft thighs? Of course not. But it made for a great uncomfortably humorous scene that the show is known for.
In all my travels, there is a growing lack of respect for human subjection. Surprisingly, the majority of these occurrences happen on one of the most expensive forms of travel; the aeroplane. And it seems that out of the entire class system, individuals in Business class are the worse. No more than 60 years ago, it was common courtesy for a man to wear a suit and tie for most occasions. Even a ball game would draw the poorest individual to the game wearing his Sunday best and a fedora. Today, you're lucky enough if some of these Neanderthals have enough body paint to cover their birthday suit.
Why do people feel it's okay to get undressed on plane? I don't care how much a ticket costs; you are still on public transportation. You don't see people removing their shoes and socks while traveling on the great steel Greyhound bus. Yet when traveling the mile high expressway, you're in danger of a flight neighbor stripping naked short of removing his capris and wife-beater. There are a few points of etiquette that if every individual could uphold, it would make traveling a little more bearable for the rest.
The first of these is REFRAIN FROM WEARING PAJAMAS. This rule should apply anytime/anywhere you are out of the house or in the presence of anyone other than family members. Whether you are on a plane, going for brunch or having guests over to watch a movie, put some freakin' cloths on! This also applies to sweats, workout cloths and swimwear. These items were made for athletic activities and despite what you think, plopping into a jet seat is NOT exercise. Just because your stretchy pants have a word printed across the ass doesn't make it appropriate designer clothing to get on a plane.
The second rule is KEEP YOUR SHOES AND SOCKS ON. Seriously, you're not at home and no one on the plane wants to smell or look at your feet. It's true, the plane gets cleaned between flights, but no little old Brazilian woman comes in and scrubs everything with disinfectant. I cringe when thinking of the possible organisms that are left behind from feet sweat wiped across the back of seats, against the footrest and across the floor carpet.
The third rule is WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER USING THE BATHROOM. Due to energy and water conservative attempts, the mechanics in the bathroom of a plane are more complicated than other bathrooms. The water faucet releases short bursts of water for each time you press the spring-loaded handle. I know this is a bit of a pain having to press this handle over and over just to get your hands properly cleaned. But this is no excuse for avoiding the process all together. I don't have the ability to monitor everybody’s bathroom hygienic, but it's safe to say that there is a large majority that are transferring germs with their fecal fingers on the door, door handle and back to their seat. This makes it really difficult for me to exit the restroom without touching anything.
The fourth rule is BE HYGIENICALLY CONSCIOUS AT YOUR SEAT. This is a simple rule and means be considerate of the individual sitting next to you. Don't pick your nose, remove scabs, scratch your dandruff, chew your nails, file your nails, pick at hangnails, suck on blisters, lick your palms, finger your bellybutton or massage your naked feet (which shouldn't be naked in the first place). Refrain from attending to these callings until you get home or at least take care of it in the restroom. But you should also not attend to your hygiene in public. Do not apply deodorant, clean your ears, brush your teeth or shave in your seat. That's what they make bathrooms for.
The fifth rule is DO NOT GET WASTED ON THE PLANE OR BOARD A PLANE WASTED. For alcohol drinkers out there, I know it is fun to get drunk. But leave this activity to areas equipped to handle drunks. As funny as you think you are when you're pile-drived, no one except your drunken friends think you are anything but loud and annoying. At least in bars, people can move away from you or leave the establishment. But on a plane we are stuck with you...for hours. On a plane 99% of the passengers are not in the same headspace as you. You are loud and obnoxious; you stink to high-heaven and consistently knock over drinks or into people. If you reach a state of intoxication that you vomit, you will most likely initiate a barf brigade. Then as you pass out for the remaining hours of the flight, you've left all the other passengers to endure the stench of your ass-rank insides.
If we can all follow these rules, it would make a long flight easier to endure for everyone. After all, the plane is just another form of public transportation like a bus, train or boat. No matter where you are seated or how long the flight is, it is not your personal living space. Show your neighbor a little respect.
Copyright 2009 Gris Grimly
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Hedley’s mother ran up to the rock pile where he was playing. “What is it?” she asked.
Hedley had his arm chicken winged and his hand tucked into his shirt. His mother extended this awkward position for inspection. “Let me see it”.
The meaty part of the hand was swollen red with two small puncture wounds. This was no midget vampire bite though.
“I told you to leave those snakes alone!”
Hedley looked at his mother with a sorrowful expression, yet statuesque. He could have been in shock. Or, like the hundreds of times he’s heard his mother say LEAVE THOSE SNAKES ALONE, his brain did not absorb it.
“Come on,” She consoled, “Let’s get you cleaned up for dinner”.
Hedley and his mother walked back to the house. She put her hand on his shoulder and pulled him to her, barely reaching the protruding part of her hip.
Dinner was the usual fare; Meat, potatoes and greens decorated the plate. “Come on Hedley. Eat your meat,” his mother commanded.
Hedley looked at his plate with disgust. The meat and potato stared back at him saying, “Yeah Hedley. Come eat us. It will be fun!”
He has no problems eating his greens. Hedley loved vegetables. Brussel sprouts. Green beans. Broccoli. Peas. Spinach. You name it and he would eat it up. He loved vegetables, especially if they were green.
“You know,” his father said, while potato skins did suicide jumps from his lip, “You keep chasing those snakes, one of these days you're goin' to piss off the wrong type of snake. Your mother and I may not be around to save you. What do you think about that?”
Hedley picked his meat apart. At this point, it looked more like road kill.
The next day Hedley was in the backyard swinging a stick around. There are many things in the backyard that need a good beating. Tree trunks. Dirt. Metal pipes. Air. They all ask for it and when a kid runs outside to play, you can see the exhilarating rage in his eyes; I MUST BEAT THINGS WITH A STICK! Even pansy bushes are not safe from a child’s need to beat things with a stick.
After giving the juniper bush a good 2-3 whops, Hedley caught a glimpse of bright color rush from under the bush. Startled at first, he was quickly overcome with awe. This slinky friend was different than the usual green and brown encounters. This one was striped with colors of gold, ebony and rust.
The panicked reptile blundered in the moment and found a trapping within the nook of a tree trunk. Hedley’s eyes swelled beyond the sheaths of his eyelids. He waved his stick in the air and galloped over to the woody plant remains.
The cowering creature wound herself into a pile of soft-served chicken shit. Hedley knew what he could beat with a stick and what he couldn’t. Trees are okay. The swing set is okay. The house is not okay. The ground is okay. But you never…never never ever…beat a living thing with a stick. But it IS okay to poke it.
Hedley slowly pushed his wooden weapon into the mound of quivering scales. Poke.
Curious. The snake moved a bit, but she seemed docile. Maybe this is a friendly snake.
Hedley reached in slowly. In a quick-swift motion, he caught the snake around the neck. He stood up, rotating the snake's head towards his sternum. For a moment, Hedley stared at the snake and the snake stared at him. No words needed to be said as they communicated on a higher plane.
The snake slipped Hedley the tongue a few times, tasting the smell of her intruder. Hedley could see his reflection in the black beady eyes that were sizing him up.
“We’re friends, right?” Hedley asked.
The snake felt the clasp around her neck loosen. She lunged and latched onto Hedley’s heart.
As quickly as it happened, Hedley ripped the snake off and threw her to the ground. The snake hurried back to her juniper bush. Hedley stood there shocked. He looked about the world around him. Everything seemed calm. The wind blew. Birds flew above him, tweeting as they kissed the sun. Besides, it didn’t even hurt much.
This time, Hedley knew better than to cry and bring his mother running. He pulled down his shirt for inspection. The bite marks weren’t even that big and it wasn’t any more red than usual. This was reassuring.
Hedley decided it best to continue to play. He picked up his stick and continued to wallop unsuspecting dirt piles.
The sun crept behind the tree line. Although it was still many more stick swings away from dinner, Hedley was exhausted. He must have really been relentless in his beatings because he has never been this breathless.
He sat against the withered tree trunk to catch his breath. Taking himself away from all the action and excitement of object abuse, he listened to his heart. It was beating hard and fast within his confined and swollen chest. His mouth started to water and his eyes felt like nighttime.
I don’t feel good.
Hedley couldn’t muster the energy to run back to the house, so he resorted to crawling on his hands and knees. But even that took effort.
One hand in front of the other, he slowly made it as far as the juniper bush before collapsing to the ground. He rolled over on his back and stared up at the sky. Everything was calm. There were no more birds and no more sun. The sky swirled with purples, reds and oranges. It was a good day to die.
When Hedley didn’t come when called for dinner, his mother went out looking for him. She found him lying next to the juniper bush with a smile of blue lips. A dozen baby snakes with gold, ebony and rust stripes played among his body.
Copyright 2009 Gris Grimly
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Gris Grimly's Frankenstein Blog
Monday, October 19, 2009
Greetings Society of Graverobbers,
With only a couple weeks away from spooky Halloween weekend, we at Mad Creator Productions, The Magic Castle and VE Publishing are starting to get a few of our vultures in a row- enough to at least taunt and tantalize your senses with what's to come Nov. 1st 2009 at the Cabaret Macabre.
Here's the skinned cat...
I will be hosting Gris Grimly's Cabaret Macabre Halloween Weekend, October 30, 31 and November 1. Although Friday and Saturday are only open to the Magic Castle members, you have all been granted the option to attend as my guest on Sunday November 1st. Tickets go on sale this Monday, October 19th. More information on that below.
Tickets are thirty dollars to get all fiends over the age of 21 in the door. All Cabaret Macabre attendees will receive a momentous Cabaret Macabre 2009 button (Hint: These will become extremely collectible as years pass by). Once in the doors, you have access to the world famous Magic Castle. You can make reservations for dinner, attend the magic shows, drink at the bars and most importantly attend the Cabaret Macabre in the Inner Circle!
Much like a traditional Cabaret, Cabaret Macabre will feature comedy, music, theatre, burlesque and art among a drinking audience. Here's what you can expect...
A GHASTLY GALLERIA BY THE MAD CREATOR!
I will have a gallery of artwork on display featuring monsters, madmen and everything spooky. There will be some brand new, never before seen or released pieces on display and available for sale including the release of a few new prints. We have created an extremely limited edition print based on my watercolor painting "Lure" to premiere at the show. When you come to the show, you can find out the time when you can get your skeletal hands on this print. This print will sell out fast. We will also be premiering the third Freakatorium set which includes three quaint sideshow freaks; Monkeybrain, Patchwork Girl and Trout Bone Head. We will also have the first two Freakatorium sets and other popular prints for sale.
LIVE BAND PERFORMANCES BY CREATURE FEATURE!
Comprised of the vicious vampiric vocalist Curtis RX and the ghoulishly fiendish organ master Erik X, the California native horror attraction Creature feature is set to take the underworld by storm. Creating a haunting mix of vintage horror visuals, old school beats, a carnival feel and a strangely rebellious approach to the modern ideals, the two monstrous musicians weave tales of the macabre, creating anthems for the horror minded and horror born alike. I'm happy to have Creature Feature a part of Cabaret Macabre as the (haunted)house band. They are sure to carry us through the night. If they wont have us feeling safe in wonderland, they will be scaring us into a new pair of trousers.
LIVE BAND PERFORMANCES BY THE VOODOO ORGANIST!
For the past seven years, the Voodoo Organist has been spreading his gospel of salvation through sin all over the country. Hard to categorize, yet instantly recognizable, he plays everything from industrial waltzes to drunken mambos; garage punk gospel rave ups to swinging exotic demonic blues. The Voodoo Organist will steer your conga line straight to hell, and you'll be dancing like the devil the whole way down.
OPERATIC SOUNDS BY ASHLEY KNIGHT!
Soprano Ashley Knight has earned distinction in wildly varied contexts, from the traditional opera stage to the underground music scene. Ms. Knight is passionately devoted to dusting the cobwebs off of the operatic art form and making it compelling to the opera fan and the uninitiated alike. Supported by highly imaginative visual elements, skilled acting, and a taste for the unexpected, she is creating a world of great beauty and surprising depth.
BURLESQUE BY VICTORIA VENGEANCE!
Known for stealing hearts and eating brains, Victoria Vengeance is sure to lure you in with her over-the-top set pieces and performances-a fusion of traditional striptease and dynamic theatrical-style. Victoria has given the burlesque community something to rave about. For this show, she brings us her penny arcade fortune telling madam act, which I promise will unhinge your jawbone and knock it off your skull. Not for the squeamish or the lovesick.
Your host Mistress Avalon will guide you through a time warp where ghouls are the hired hands and marionettes come to life. Have a howling good time, but try to avoid running into the dangerous hornswoggling ghouls, Gorp and Malick. In between changing sets and beating the crypt out of each other, they are known to hoodwink guests out of money, jewelry and even their pants. Spooky music will go bump in the night thanks to DJ Josh Schneider (Friday) and DJ Dave Bats (Saturday-Sunday).
We will be premiering many exclusive/new merchandise items at the show. We will have an event poster print. Get your skeletal hands on this 11 x 17 limited edition serigraph of the event poster. All prints are signed (by Gris Grimly) and numbered in a limited edition of 100. We will have a couple new shirts premiering at the show. We will have a limited edition event t-shirt with an image of Victoria Vengeance on the front and a new Cabaret Macabre shirt, both available in men's t-shirts and women's fitted tees. We will have crypt-kicking Cabaret Macabre vinyl stickers for cheap. Or get one for free with your purchase of any Cabaret Macabre merchandise at the MCP booth.
I am also thrilled to announce that after over a year, the brand(baby)spankin' new Ghoultown Mistress of the Dark Ultra Single will premiere at the show just in time for Halloween. This limited edition CD/DVD set contains an EP of music by Ghoultown, including the single Mistress of the Dark. The DVD contains the GG directed music video starring Elvira, behind-the-scenes documentary, video to storyboard comparison, episode of The Har Har Show and many awesome easter eggs. Be one of the first to pick this killer item up at the show.
HERE'S THE IMPORTANT INFO FOR YOUR EAR HOLE!
We have a better ticket system this year, allowing you to reserve tickets on The Magic Castle website. This should rectify the hideously long line issue we had last year. Tickets go on sale Monday, October 19th at 2pm. You will use member number A19522 as your log-in to make your ticket purchases. Tickets are on a first come first serve bases and will sell out quickly. So if you plan on attending, don't delay and get your tickets when they are available.
HERE IS THE LINK TO PURCHASE TICKETS ON MONDAY OCTOBER 19TH AT 2PM:
Sunday November 1st is open to all Society of Graverobbers members over the age of 21. I will be celebrating my birthday that night, so I hope a lot of you can make it out. Costumes are required (formal wear is acceptable).
That is all for now.
Gris Grimly and Mad Creator Productions
Thursday, September 10, 2009
You've read correctly. I will be doing a signing at the Edgar Allan Poe Museum in Richmond Virginia on September 24th. This isn't just a signing. The Edgar Allan Poe Museum is having me as a guest during their "Unhappy Hour" this month to sign my new book, Tales of Death and Dementia. We will also have other Poe affiliated merchandise available including Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab scented oils, event poster prints and t-shirts. We will be displaying and selling artwork from the new book as well as Tales of Mystery and Madness and Sleepy Hollow. We will also be screening my first short film Cannibal Flesh Riot!.
The event begins at 6pm and goes until 9pm. Later on that night, they will be screening a film in the garden for a measly $5. I will be there for the entire event and look forward to meeting some new fiends. As much as I wanted to do a more extensive East Coast tour, this is the only appearance that worked out. So I hope some of you are willing to travel out for this and join me for a drink at this East Coast book launch.
Sounds like a Cryptload of fun to me. See you there.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Just completed the third set of Freakitorium paintings!
If you are unfamiliar with My Freakitorium project, here is a brief history and insight. Gris Grimly's Freakitoriums is a print series I am doing with VE Publishing. We are releasing a set of sideshow freak prints every yearly quarter (or approximately thereof). Each set consists of three mini prints with a G.G. freak, with 4 sets total in the series. If you do the math correctly, that makes 12 really cool and collectible freak prints. You can purchase the prints individually. But if you buy the entire series, you get a really cool wooden box to keep them in. Think of it like Garbage Pail Kids cards.
The first set consisted of "Black Elephant Head of Death", "Mooney the Cheese Head Man" and "The Triplets of Salem". The second set consisted of "Muleface Beatrice", "Crab Face Man" and "Nina Esqueleto". Now, I have three more freaks to add to the roster: "Trout Bone Head", "Needles the Patchwork Girl" and "Monkeybrain".
There are three more paintings left for me to create to complete the print series. When they are all finished, I plan to do a huge art show exhibiting all 12 paintings and unveiling a 13 freak painting at the opening.
If you are interested in purchasing any prints from the Freakitorium series, visit the VE Publishing website to inquire about a purchase. We will also be selling these prints on our webstore once we get it back up and running (www.madcreator.com).
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Gris Grimly's Frankenstein
Monday, August 17, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Greetings Society of Graverobbers,
Are all you lil' aspiring fiends sitting still with your spades ready to dig this news? The long awaited release of my new book, "TALES OF DEATH AND DEMENTIA" is here!
Commemorating the 200th Anniversary of Edgar Allan Poe, we are planning a huge Los Angeles book launch and signing. Join me, Gris Grimly, and Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab on Sunday August 23rd for the festivities. We will have the new book featuring these classic EAP tales: The Tell-Tale Heart, The System of Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether, The Oblong Box and The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar. Not only can you pick this book up and get it signed, we will also be premiering a limited edition silk screen event poster and event t-shirt. If that isn't enough to make your maws drool, we will also be exhibiting and selling original artwork from the book. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (BPAL) will be premiering 4 new scented oils, each representing a smell associated with the stories in the book.When you purchase the book, one t-shirt or print, and one oil, you will get a limited edition Poe scent.
This event all takes place at DARK DELICACIES located at 4213 Burbank Blvd. Burbank California 91505. Welcome to the Home of Horror, Dark Delicacies is a one of a kind store, considered to be the best horror store in the nation, known for their selection of books, gifts and collectibles. Doors open at 2pm.
Hope to see you there.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
It is horrible to be lovesick for my work. Sometimes, I lay awake for hours because I can’t get a project out of my head. When I am away for long periods at a time, I go through withdrawals. Often I daydream for long periods of time when I should be focusing on something else. It is a torturous state to be in.
With that said, I will leave you with this:
The teaser to my new short film project WOUNDED EMBARK OF THE LOVESICK MIND.
That is my rant.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
I’ve been stewing about this rotten topic all day, but couldn’t sit down to a computer until now. I wont be shocking anyone by saying Michael Jackson is dead. This is over 24 hours old from being news. But at the crawling span of 24 hours, I’m over it.
Here is a little bit of information about me, Gris Grimly. I haven’t owned a TV for around 7 years now. I don’t like TV. I think it is an evil tool (At worst, to brainwash us. At best, to make us dumb). I could go into many other reasons why I don’t like TV, but you might think I’m a paranoid freak. So I wont. This morning while I was at the gym (don’t comment) I was occasionally distracted by one of the many Television sets on a wall that make up an image straight from Orwell’s 1984. The broadcast selection is slim varying between news, sports, cop dramas and The View. I always have a book with me to read, but will nevertheless find my eyes being yanked up toward the blue glow for a news update. Can you guess what garbage they were hyping all day today? Of course it was Michael Jackson’s death.
Now I might have some pretty morbid thoughts when it comes to my artwork and fictional stories, but when it comes to real life I try to be respectful of deceased parties. Regardless if it’s a gangster or TV evangelist, I feel I should respect the bereaved. No matter who the corpse is, there is always family or loved ones mourning over the dearly departed. I respect that. But seriously…Michael Jackson?
It was only a couple years ago everyone was talking shit about the guy for being a pervert. Even outside of the accusations of playing naked hot potato with young boys, he has committed so many bizarre acts to be shoved among other sociopaths. No celebs were speaking up for ol’ MJ last year when he was being tried for distributing Jesus juice. No matter how many people came out to pin him as a pedophile, money always bought him justice. Elizabeth Taylor (a deranged product of our society as well) backed up Michael Jackson’s innocence to his sleepovers. There is nothing wrong with a grown man in bed with a child if there is no “touchy-feely” going on, right? Despite everything that makes Michael Jackson a sick individual, there are still many of you out there that worship him and are mourning his death. There is nothing I can do about that. I mean there are people out there who worship Charles Manson. Is there really a difference?
But this really isn’t about Michael Jackson. This is about Pop Stars. Yesterday, the tube was projecting fear of North Korea’s access to nuclear weapons. Today, it’s Michael Jackson’s death. Now seriously, there is something really wrong here. It could mean any of the following: 1) the death of a Pop Star is more important to Americans than the threat of a nuclear holocaust. 2) The death of a Pop Star is headlining to deter the attention of Americans toward something superficial while something more vital to our future is taking place. 3) Everything the news is presenting us is fabricated in order to manipulate us into aiding the conduct of a master plan. No matter what option is truth, the media is completely corrupt and Americans are dumb.
What is going on right now? What will Americans remember from the summer of 2009? Last week while I was at the gym, two news stations were broadcasting similar events on TVs next to each other. On the one tube, CNN was covering a parade for peace taking place in Tehran. On the other, FOX was covering a parade for the Lakers’ Championship in Los Angeles. The lady on the exercise bike next to me looked over strangely as I blurted out maniacal laughter to myself. What was going on when Anna Nicole Smith was all over the news? What was going on when the Clinton/Lewinsky affair was all over the news?
Here is a thought: Pop Stars are created to manipulate, distract and send messages to the public that is willing to take it all in. This could be as simple as an opinion on war, their petty dramas that fill the tabloids or a message to “Drink Coke”. They tell us how to dress, what to drive, what to eat and how to talk. I’m not saying a mad scientist created Madonna in a test tube. What do you think I am, some Coo Coo? These Pop Stars are nurtured at an early age before they can even think for themselves. They never experience the years and freedom needed to develop as an individual. By the time they are in their twenties and thirties, they show signs of mental collapse from lack of identity. Look at Britney Spears’s most recent rebellion by shaving her head. From there they crack, break and fall into pieces. All the King’s horses and all the King’s men sweep the pieces to the side and rise up another Pop Star.
Sure, we can blame the parents, talent scouts, agents or Walt Disney TV. But no matter how we look at it, if you participate in the game, you have a hand in the outcome. We take away their childhood, we make them our gods, and then we kill them. Who’s next? Britney Spears? The Olsen Twins? Miley Cyrus? If we don’t kill the pop star, we will continue to kill the people who wear the crown.
That is my rant.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
This is something that has been on my mind lately. The idea is old and used up like a rotten corpse. It’s nothing profound, but it is written here nonetheless. I’ve noticed more and more how easily humans are rounded up and shoved down one-thought troughs. Specifically, at this point I’m thinking of beauty in both men and women. Health is one thing. It is important for us to get enough exercise and eat the right foods at the right proportions to maintain healthy bodies. But I’m talking about beauty beyond that.
We all have a personal ideal of what is beautiful (or at least we did at one point in our lives). That is what makes us all unique and paints our environment with individuality. It goes beyond the constant brainwashing of the Calvin Klein billboards. But when there is one world ideal of beauty that passes among the masses and it’s absorbed into their grey matter, this colorful world turns black and white. What we have is a bunch of beautiful people who all look the same and a bunch of not-so-beautiful people who all look the same.
Women and Men have both been victims of this control. Women, for decades have been encouraged to shave their legs and their pits. Now, a well-maintained yard goes beyond just those regions. The same is true now for men. The idea of beauty in a man is pre-pubescent bald from the neck down. There is one body shape that is beautiful, one preference for hair that is beautiful, one type of skin, one tone in muscle and one style of wardrobe. In order to be beautiful we must all squeeze into the same mold. There are the few that fight this control and hold onto individuality.
I pretty much have three turn-ons in women. 1) I love stockings. Not necessarily nylons (although I don’t oppose them) but my Tex Avery wolf is aroused over striped, argyle, skeletal print, wool, fishnet…pretty much any type of expressive stocking. 2) Glasses. I love a woman in glasses. Maybe, not all glasses. My smokestack doesn’t blow for the old 70s Owl eyed spectacles. But a woman in attractive frames will get a double take. Whether it is true or not, glasses reflect a since of maturity and intellect as well as independent thought. 3) Hair pulled back or up is always hot. I’m not saying I have a thing for Amish women, but the sophistication of pulled up hair revs my motor.
Okay enough about my fetishes. But I do have a point. Pretty much two of these things are constantly hammered into the not-so-attractive plank of wood. In the 1946 adaptation of Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep, Humphrey Bogart’s character insinuates to a librarian to remove her glasses. It isn’t until she does so and drops her hair that he finds her as an object of attraction. This is an age-old perspective that gave rise to the eye contact and hair straightener corporations that are now taking over the world. I hold Bogey in high regards, but as for me I’ll take the librarian over the bimbo.
I know it’s a clichéd saying, but true beauty is on the inside. Love is evidence of this. If someone has the capacity to love, they find beauty beyond physical flaws. For those of you who are incapable of love…well, I guess I don’t envy you. We are all on this world for a very short time. Within that time, there is a shorter amount of time that we are mature enough yet young enough to be attractive. Then what? Breast augmentations? Face lifts? Tummy tucks? Rogaine? Viagra? They’ve created things for us to spend our money on to buy the false security we place in being attractive. But it all leaves us empty. The path to happiness heads the other direction! What should we be spending our energy on…fitting into a mold (some will never fit into), or giving something to the world? Create art, paint, dance, sing, tell stories, cook, love, help the needy, start a revolution…anything but fall into this shallow grave of distraction. Women, love your cuddly bears. Men, hold your skinny “A” cup sweethearts close. And seniors, grab that wrinkled face and kiss it long, because very few people will achieve the depths of love you share with each other. Fly your colors proud (you are beautiful as you are) and lets stick it to the man who is trying to paint this world drab.
That is my rant.